The University of Texas, by all reports, is attempting to lure Chris Beard away from Lubbock and Texas Tech University. The Longhorns would love for Beard to become their next men's basketball coach. In response, the business community in Lubbock has expressed their desire for Beard to choose Lubbock and Texas Tech.

Texas Tech Men's Basketball Coach Chris Beard has been offered a lot if he chooses to stay in Lubbock. He's been offered free hot wings for life, free BBQ for life, free beer for life, free DWI attorney services for life and free carpet cleaning for life -- no name a few. I'm sure I'm missing plenty more, but it's clear the business community really wants Chris Beard to stay in Lubbock.

Oh, and all of this is on top of being one of the highest paid basketball coaches in the NCAA. Not bad.

On Wednesday, the offers of free services got a little weird, a little painful and a little personal.

Dr. Sameer Islam at Lubbock Gastroenterology took to Twitter to offer Coach Beard a deal that he can't refuse: free hemorrhoid banding for life.

Now I'm not sure how Coach Beard feels about the offer. Personally, I'd be more excited about the free BBQ, wings and beer, but I guess having something offered that's practical and will take care of pain is a good thing as well.

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Side note: when searching Google for hemorrhoid banding, just go ahead and not look at the pictures. They won't bring you any joy.

So I guess now Coach Beard has been offered it all. The ball is in your court, Coach.

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