Contact Us

A Beloved Lubbock Radio Personality Has Tested Positive for COVID-19

Photo by Medakit Ltd on Unsplash
Photo by Medakit Ltd on Unsplash

Download the KFYO Mobile App Now

It was bound to happen eventually. Today, it was my turn. I, Lance Ballance, have joined the nearly 756,000,000 Americans who have tested positive for “My Corona.”

I’ve been feeling like garbage smothered in hollandaise sauce all weekend. When it didn’t seem like things were getting much better, I thought to myself that perhaps it would be wise to go and get a COVID-19 test.

On a holiday.

Bad move.

I had originally sought out a UMC office that was listed online as being a testing site. I asked if testing was available and was asked if my Primary Care Physician was in the building.

“Uhhhh, no?”

“Who’s your primary care physician?”

“………………….ummmm, who ya got?”


I then drove over to the City of Lubbock Mini-Hub for a drive-thru test when the lack of activity bought me back to the reality that no city, state or federal offices were open on this MLK holiday, not even during my time of need. So, here we go again.

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media

After stopping at a clinic which looked like they were more suited for giving you Covid-19 than testing you for it, I remembered the same drive-up clinic on 82nd Street where I almost died when someone tried to merge over all lanes, cutting everyone off to get in the line for tests.

I got in line, then set about pre-registering for the test, because it was a wait.


Yep, that’s me, wayyyy in the back of the line.

After 45 minutes and most assuredly developing lung cancer from the exhaust fumes of the cars in line, it was my turn. I allowed the test technician to take my nasal virginity as they nudged the swab into my nose and almost out my ear. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the swab went so far into my brain that I’ve forgotten how to multiply by 6.

Then, the verdict:

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media

Son of a…

I’ve got the omni.

Of course now, the questions are coming: “Are you sick? “Aren’t you vaccinated?” “Do you wear a mask?” “Do you fear death?”

I do feel a little sniffly today, but I can still smell and taste everything and just smashed a Whataburger, which was delightful. As far as my vaccination status…that’s no one’s business. I have Da’rona, and that’s that. Vaccines won’t stop you from getting it, and anybody who thinks so is an idiot. You can, and probably will, get Covid while fully vaxxed. Don’t kid yourself.

As far as masks go, no, I don’t wear one. I don’t care to and won’t after this. It’s not my responsibility to keep you safe. In all honesty, you should take care of you. With the antibodies running through me now, I’ll probably be more powerful than Spider-Man after this, anyway. I may even be able to fly. So, no, this doesn’t change my mind about anything.

If you’d like to send flowers or bourbon, DM me for the address.

Click here to view photo gallery Click here to view photo gallery Click here to view photo gallery Click here to view photo gallery


Best of KFYO

Recommended For You

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Sign up to have news and information about your community delivered to your email.