The Challenges Of Spider-Man Fighting Crime In Lubbock

The trailer for Spider-Man: Brand New Day dropped, and it got me wondering: could Spidey actually save Lubbock… or would he just end up calling an Uber?

I’ll admit it — I’m at least a movie and a cartoon behind on Spider-Man. At this point, I don’t even know where to jump back in. Then again, I’ve always leaned more toward the street-level heroes — Batman, Punisher, Daredevil — the “handle it yourself” crowd. Looking at that list now… yeah, turns out I’ve got a type. Vigilantes over world-savers.

Somewhere along the way, Spider-Man vaulted past Iron Man and whatever version of the Avengers we’re on now. And it makes sense — he’s relatable. Or at least as relatable as a kid who got bit by a radioactive spider can be.

Would Spider-Man Be A Force In Lubbock, Texas?

Which brings us to Lubbock, Texas.

If Spider-Man showed up here, the first thing we’d need is a proper villain. I’m thinking Tornado Man — a swirling West Texas nightmare fueled by dirt, wind, and loose trampolines. Spidey could probably handle that… assuming the fight stays downtown.

And that’s where the whole plan falls apart.

See, Spider-Man’s entire thing is swinging from building to building. That works great in New York. In Lubbock? We’ve got about six buildings tall enough to matter, and they’re all politely minding their own business downtown. The second Spidey tries to leave that area, what’s he gonna do — web-sling from Whataburger to a cotton field?

At some point, even Spider-Man has to admit defeat and open the Uber app.

Now sure, he might have an edge against someone like Sandman — we’ve got plenty of blowing dust to keep things interesting — but none of that matters if he can’t get across town without hitching a ride.

So could Spider-Man save Lubbock?

Absolutely.

…but only between Broadway and about three city blocks in any direction. Beyond that, he’s just another guy standing in the wind, wondering why his webs are full of dirt.