Third Grade Teacher Fired For Violent Word Problems

Back when I was in grade school, I remember hating word problems, even when the teachers tired to make them somewhat interesting. But sometimes, people try a little too hard to make the questions engaging for the students...

An unnamed teacher in Washington D.C was fired after the teacher allegedly assigned third grade students some morbid and violent word problems. The teacher did not write these questions, but instead found them on the website Homeschooling Paradise. While there are a few perfectly normal word problems on the site, there are a lot that are silly and gross, and some that are surprisingly violent.

So, just how morbid were these word problems? Here's a few choice examples:

John's father gave him 1359 marbles on his birthday. John swallowed 585 marbles and died. 9 of John's friends came for his funeral the next day. John's grieving father gave the remaining marbles to John's friends in equal numbers. How many marbles did each friend get?

While I was walking in the woods last Sunday I came across the corpse of a hunter. When I peered at the smelly corpse, I saw 5 green flies hovering over the body. There were 4 more blue flies than green flies there too. To my horror, the flies then proceeded to lay 5 eggs each in the gaping mouth of the corpse.
(a) How many flies were there?
(a) How many revolting eggs were there altogether?

I was sleeping one night when a group of ninjas stealthily entered my house to murder me. I woke up immediately and killed 158 ninjas. My grinning grandma massacred 6 times as many ninjas as I with her rolling pin. How many ninjas did my grandma kill?

Now if we had questions like these when I was in school, math class would've been a lot more interesting.