The Crimes Every Lubbock Prairie Dog Would Commit If They Had Opposable Thumbs

Those little prairie dogs seem innocent enough.

Tiny. Fuzzy. Adorable. They stand up like they are politely waiting to ask you for directions.

But, don't be fooled, folks.

The only thing standing between those furry guys and a full-blown crime spree is the fact that they don't have the thumbs for the job...

I'm telling you. The day they evolve opposable thumbs, this city is in trouble.

Here are just a couple of the crimes I know they'd immediately commit:

Stealing Your Snacks

brown rodent on brown soil during daytime

For now, they stand there and stare at you while you spread out your picnic blanket and arrange the snacks.

With thumbs? They won't just be staring.

They'll be opening the bags and joining you for lunch.

Car Theft

a small animal standing on its hind legs in a grassy area

It's not because they want your car, but because they think it would be hilarious to move it a few spaces to the left and then watch you panic trying to find it.

Little jerks...

Read More: Why Lubbock Residents Rarely Leave Their Side Of Town

Identity Theft

arizona black tailed prairie dog

They don't care much about financial gain.

Thumbs are the only thing standing between them and a fake ID, and they REALLY want to buy a few 6-packs for their next BBQ.

Can you blame them?

Doorbell Ditching

brown rodent on gray rock during daytime

You know who enjoys ringing random doorbells and running like crazy?

A group of naughty prairie dogs with thumbs.

Mailbox Crimes

gray rodent on gray rock during daytime

They'd leave the bills alone and jack all the coupons.

Facts.

Gang Activity

Two prairie dogs standing and touching paws

Think about it.

Twenty of them.

Working together.

Diversion tactics.

Snack acquisitions.

Lookouts.

All of these things would be made possible with thumbs.

Watch Out, Lubbock

brown beaver standing on ground

Keep those guys away from any suspicious toxic waste or mad scientists. I don't trust them. If you can think of more crimes they might commit, do everyone a service and drop them in the comments below this article...

Keep scrolling for more breaking Lubbock news in the galleries below!