If You’re Excited About The Baby Allsup’s, You’re Also A Fan Of Heart Disease.
Look at the picture below...JUST LOOK AT IT!
Just seeing that image increased your cholesterol level into the low 10,000's range.
In a day and age when we all are trying our darnedest to not embody the image of the big-bellied Texan, we still get unreasonably excited over the greasiest deep-fried, pimple-inducing, school cafeteria-esque vittles ever cooked. In other words, college student fodder.
This past week, Allsup's decided to open up a store based solely on the deep-fried delicacies that they are "known" for, directly across from Texas Tech. This may have been a moment of pure genius on their part, since most of the trust fund kids who attend Tech can't be bothered to actually travel beyond University Avenue and find a GOOD restaurant in Lubbock, that isn't situated on Cirrhosis Lane. So, the greasier, the better.
Over the years, there has been a baffling push to bring Allsup's within the Lubbock city limits. 'WE NEED AN ALLSUP'S!" is the cry, yet we have them all around us, if people would just get in the car and drive more than 5 miles. That's just lazy, people. I've driven 5 hours for an In-N-Out Burger, you're just worthless and weak if you can't get off your chunky A for a chimichanga.
With 9,624 Convenience stores in Lubbock (and Toot N Totum still to come), there really is nothing new we actually need here in the Hub City, that isn't already being served up, with the noticeable exception of Buc-ee's, but that's another sore subject for another day. So, perhaps, the wanton frenzy among millennials about this new concept in grab and go dining is just another example of the kids being misinformed. I've been to Allsup's, it's just a gas station. Nothing more. I don't get the groundswell of excitement over a deep-fried burrito, unless you are trying to relive your middle school lunch experiences.
Plus, I also noticed that they sell Allsup's swag, which to me is the fashion equivalent of a participation trophy. "How do you do, fellow kids!" You're never going to be as cool as the beaver, so just focus on your gut-busting burritos, and future Lipitor prescription.
Obviously, I hope every business succeeds, but not every new business needs to be treated with the fervor that Allsup's brings. Unless we get a Trader Joe's, In-N-Out, or Buc-ee's here in Cholesterol City. At that point, your insanity is justified.